the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
