He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
