normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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