So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
