okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
