i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
