I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
