Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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