now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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