Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I touched a dick in church today
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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