It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize