i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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