My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize