Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
