things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
