brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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