I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
