i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
