So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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