So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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