Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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