They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
