Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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