My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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