i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
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