im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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