He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
