I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
