The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
