I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
