I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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