And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
