So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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