Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to calm my uterus...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
