I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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