Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
