He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
