how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
