I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
