cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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