I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
