At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
