I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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