We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
