Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
