your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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