I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize