You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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