well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
