Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In America we eat man semen.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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