maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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