i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
