im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
