What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
