i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
