I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Congratulations! We have a period
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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