I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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