i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
