Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
