I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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