I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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