thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
