I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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