did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
