If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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