If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize