Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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