she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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