my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
