Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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