it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
