captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
