Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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