her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
