I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
